And that is my absolute fantasy girl. The one who will say, "Baby lets just run away." To run off together into the sunset or sunrise and keep on going for days to start a new adventure. Not to run away from something we need to leave behind, but to run forward into a new life. One that we both will find fufilling and exciting.
I've found out a secret. That is that we only have one shot at this game. Therefore I have come to the conclusion that if you aren't enjoying yourself that you are probably doing something wrong, and should work to rectify that with all of your power as soon as possible. And that should be your number one priority in life. Being happy, followed next by being healthy (physially emotionally and socially). While happiness may seem like a selfish goal, I completely disagree. If you are not pleased with your life then how is it possible for you to add to anyone else's existence? While you can in bits and pieces you must be complete in order to give yourself to another. So I try to have a smile on my face as often as possible. I work hard to make sure that every day is enjoyable, and that if it can't be tomorrow will be a little better. I have to do this, its a promise I made myself. For the last 2 years I've been living on my own terms. I live by a few simple rules. One is do what I can to make my life enjoyable. The Second is do what I can to make other's happy. Third is be honest and open. Assuming I accept the responsibility for my actions then I don't think I can really go too wrong with telling the truth. Its a hard to argue against the concept. This was making me unhappy. I understand the concequences but I can't go through with this anymore. And then move on.
over a year and a half ago was the last time I posted here. Since that time I've become a good brother, but its time to move on from that. Not that I won't return to be a good brother at another time there is just too many other things on my plate at the moment. I have some new goals.
Be a great teacher.
I really need to be an excellent teacher. If I can't succeed at this then the last four years and all of my hopes and dreams will be for naught.
Obtain a Doctoral Degree from a good institution.
I want to be a professor.I want to research and read and write articles on education. For the last year a day hasn't passed when I haven't thought about this dream. In that time I've finally learned what real motivation feels like. Its not a red hot poker in your ass. Its an insatiable hunger and the unwillingness to give up. I have barely started down that road, but I can't forget my dreams. I'll be telling each of my students to dream big and work for their dreams. How hypocritical would it be if I didn't do the same?
Make a relationship work.
I've hit a point in my life when I want a real relationship. I want love again. I want to be in love with love and sloppy poetry. For the past year I haven't had the time, and I'm not saying that I have it now, but I want to make it. I want to create the time and the energy to put toward a relationship. I want it to be strong. I want to find her. And develop something with her that will last a good long time.
So why the return to writing? I have no idea. A good friend said a few months ago that she would want to read my thoughts again. And well, who am I not to oblige? I'm sure i'll have more thoughts later.
At least I sincerely hope so...