I think too much
I should just be happy, and i need to think positively b/c I know that positive thinking leads to well positive results. I just get ahead of myself and plan out my moves too far in advance. I hold back when I shouldn't and I say things that don't need to be said. All that being said I can't wait till Thursday and will literally be counting down the breaths till I see her next. Why? Because i'm fucking creepy. No. Because I am still a hopelessly hopeless romantic fool. I find myself smiling all the time when I talk to her i get nervous, play with my hair, and i feel like i might throw up sometimes. Simply b/c I can't make a read on her, and I can't lie myself into thinking that I can make a read on her. I can't tell if she's liking me or not. If she's losing interest or anything. I think maybe i'm coming on too strong and therefore I back off, but if I'm wrong am I just burying myself? I don't fucking know. I haven't worried like this in ages. I haven't had thoughts like this in a long time. Its obvious its because I really really like her. I feel like there is something special here, or there could be if I don't fuck it up. And thats my biggest fear. I'm going to fuck it up. But like i said. I can't let that thought take hold of me anymore. I'm Bernie. I'm fucking cute, I'm sweet, and nice. I'm moderately hysterical when I need to be. I'm not a slouch when it comes to intellect or conversation. I'm a little on the short side vertically, but once you look over that I'm pretty much stacked. Oh and I'm humble, did I mention my humility? Ok so I have one thing to improve on. But thats only natural.
With all of that being said. I'm happy. But i'm not happy because of her. Because thats not how happiness works. Its something that comes from within yourself. I'm happy because there's a road in front of me. One I'm excited to run and follow. But not run with my eyes on the trail, one that I'll take the time to look with my head up. Enjoying the sights smells and textures as I go along. because well what else is there to look forward too?